Where is the snow? The cold? The ice?

It’s Santa week, and there just needs to be snow, right?

I remember, as a kid, not wanting anything for Christmas except a backyard hockey rink and lots of snow to pack up around that rink. The Boston Bruins were in their heyday. Bobby Orr. Phil Esposito (once we wrangled him away from the Blackhawks). Derek Sanderson. Gerry Cheevers.

I wanted to put on my black-and-gold Bobby Orr #4 jersey and skate around my own hockey rink in the back yard, ready to fire the puck at, oh, maybe 20 miles an hour instead of Bobby’s zillion mph. I wanted to deck somebody and put him on the ice, my ice. I wanted to slide down for a shot block.

And I did.

The Christmas of 1960-something, I got my ice rink. Santa flooded the backyard one day with the garden hose. It froze. Ice.

Night spotlights were erected so that day hockey games turned into night hockey games.

This is my Christmas Story.

There were three backyard hockey rinks in the neighborhood, one of them because a creek overflowed into my buddy’s yard. But I had the best one.

Slapshots and body checks.

Heaven.

It became a Bowker Christmas tradition that began with the New England cold in December and sometimes lasted well into March or even April.

The goals were made with pieces of plywood and 2x4s hammered together.

The ice was resurfaced with sprays of water from the garden hose in 10-degree temps.

And when warmer temps arrived so inconveniently, it was back into the driveway for basketball.

Oh, memories.

And with that said, let’s pick up a mug filled up with hot chocolate and go through Santa’s nice and naughty list:

Nice. Somehow, despite all these troubles on the offensive side of the ball, Iowa football made it to the Big Ten championship game and will play a bowl game on New Year’s Day against Tennessee. What a tremendous ride.

Nice. Caitlin Clark. Iowa women’s hoops. Changing the game. Need more be said?

Nice. The University of Iowa’s Holden Comprehensive Cancer Center. Means everything to me.

Naughty. Anybody who is out there yelling at a referee.

Nice. Nora Pennington. Jovi Evans. Brooklyn Schneider. Olivia Swartzendruber. The fast-moving guards for Mid-Prairie’s girls basketball team.

Nice. Highland’s Sara Burton, who is a points-scoring and rebounding machine for Huskies girls basketball.

Naughty. Whomever voted against Florida State football in the national playoff.

Nice. Karson Grout, the Hawkeye baseball player to be.

Nice. Lone Tree Athletics Director Joe Donovan, for showing patience with a certain basketball referee slammed by the flu.

Naughty. Gawd, the flu!

Nice. The amazing coordination every year to pull off the state cross country championships in Fort Dodge.

Naughty. The frozen weather at those cross country championships.

Nice. Mid-Prairie alum Maddie Nonnenmann, now a starter (yes, a starter) for the women’s basketball team at Black Hawk College.

Nice. All the staff at Noodles in Coralville.

Nice. All those business owners on the busy streets of Kalona.

Naughty. Muddy roads.

Nice. Snow.

Naughty. Snow.

Nice. The boss. Right here in Kalona. Let’s have a great New Year, Ron and Helen.

Nice. Mid-Prairie baseball’s annual trip to the College World Series in Omaha.

Nice. The burgers at Hillcrest.

Nice. The pork sandwiches at Mid-Prairie.

Nice. The ambitious athletic facility hopes at Highland High School.

Naughty. Soccer games in 40-degree weather. Every. Darn. Year.

Nice. Mid-Prairie alum Coach Show.

Very Nice. Colette. Always. There. For. Us. And Cheryl and Gio and TJ and Nancy.

Especially Nice. Six finalist nominations for Iowa Newspaper Association contest. So proud, The News.

Really Nice. KU basketball.

Now …. About that ice rink, Iowa. Let’s get cold!

News columnist Paul Bowker can be reached at bowkerpaul1@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter: @bowkerpaul